Four simple rules:
- Do not expect people to change.Relationships are not rescue operations. You cannot save people from themselves, and whatever issues they bring to the relationship will remain unaltered no matter how much love and support you give. Lazy people will remain lazy. Abusers will continue to abuse. Children, puppies, and shiny things bought from catalogs do not alter this basic fact.
- Accept what is given, or leave.Given the rule above, you can either choose to accept your partner’s behavior, or leave. There are no other options that will provide peace.
- Independence provides perspective.The traditional roles of a partnership no longer apply. You should never be in complete thrall to another for financial or emotional support: co-dependence invites abuse. The ultimate goal of a relationship is to allow each person to be more than what they could be by themselves; paradoxically, that can only occur equitably if each comes into the partnership as self-sufficient as possible. If you don’t have the resources to walk out the door, you lack the ability to stand up for yourself and what is important to you.
- Honest communication is everything.Your partner is not telepathic, and playing games wastes time and energy while being counter-productive. State clearly what you want, keeping rules 1 and 2 in mind.